The air was warm and a cool breeze stirred, ushering in the early spring night. Overhead, the sun was just starting to set, casting a pink hue on the world. My thoughts, however, were not as rosy. I walked alone that night; I had left my kiddos tucked in bed, my husband home to take care of them, and I walked… and walked… and prayed.
A question was nagging at my heart, one that had been lingering in the shadows for a long, long time. Years of being wife, and mom, and student, and everything else I had been and still was, combined with a personality that tends to be a people-pleaser, had brought me to that moment. Alone, walking through my neighborhood in those early evening hours, I cried out to the Lord.
Who am I, God?
Oh, I knew a lot about me. I knew all about my likes and dislikes, my hobbies and interests, etc. Years of “finding myself” had done that, and I’m glad. But this wasn’t a question of knowing who I was on an online-personality-quiz or Myers-Briggs assessment level, this was deeper. This was a longing, a need, to know who I was before a Holy God. I needed to know what God saw when he looked at me.
That night, God answered.
In the stillness of my heart, the Lord spoke to me.
You are mine, dear one. You are blessed with every spiritual blessing, chosen before the creation of the world, washed by my blood, made holy in my sight. Before time even existed I placed my love upon you, and I adopted you as my own. You are redeemed, forgiven, and I have not held back even a hint of my grace; I have lavished it upon you.You have been chosen, predestined, called, adopted, sealed, and united to me.
But before all of that, you were loved. You are my child and I love you. I love you. (Eph 1)
Whispers of Grace
The tenderness of my saviour, bringing to mind his Word, ministering to my wounded heart and overwhelming me with his grace… it’s hard to put into words. I can’t do justice to his answer, but answer me he did. Outwardly nothing had changed, but inwardly I had been enveloped by his love and I so needed to be there.
This world we live in can be so loud sometimes, and the demands it places on us can be back-breaking. It is so easy, at least it is for me, to get lost in the midst of it all and lose sight of who we are. But God does not leave us there. He declares loudly in the pages of scripture, and quietly to our wounded hearts, that first and foremost we are his children. And that is no small thing.
It’s not a trite response or a Sunday School answer to say we are children of God. No, being a child of the Everlasting King is one of the deepest characteristics of our souls. It is the root that anchors every other part of us; the life-bringing conduit that lets the rest of us flourish.
That night as I walked through my neighborhood I realized how overwhelmed I had become by the accusations of the world. All the expectations of what I should be, or do, or say had worn me down. I didn’t measure up and surely didn’t fit the mold. For a time I had lost sight of who God says I am and what he sees when he looks at me. In his loving kindness he showed me again that I am his beloved child.
There was more that night, he and I talked for almost an hour, and I’ll probably share more one day soon. But for now, I am marveling in the truth that I am, that we are, loved by the king. That we were chosen before we had done anything worth choosing. That we are his.
Perhaps you are feeling lost and overwhelmed right now too, as I was. Maybe you are very familiar with the deep longing to know who you are today, right now. If so, I pray that the Lord would meet you where you are and whisper his words of comfort to you. Read the Word, pour over your Bible because it is there that he will speak to you and show you his love.
Almost all that God brought to my mind that night was straight from Ephesians 1, one of my favorite chapters in the entire Bible and one I should probably read every day! In that chapter, after talking about who we are in Christ, Paul offers up this prayer and it is my prayer for all of us too…
“…that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give you a spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of him, having the eyes of your hearts enlightened that you may know what is the hope to which he has called you, what are the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints and what is the immeasurable greatness of his power towards us who believe…” Ephesians 1:17-19
You are loved, friend. You are a child of the king.