In the Image of God

August 9, 2017

An Empty-Handed Christmas

August 9, 2017

I Don’t Fit the Mold

August 9, 2017

The Good-Christian Woman Mold

Years ago, my husband and I were invited to Sunday Dinner (what I would call “fancy lunch”) at the home of a prominent southern pastor. We were truly honored, but let’s be honest, it was awkward. Family dinners at my parent’s house are loud and boisterous affairs. This was quiet and proper. I’m used to standing in the kitchen to munch and talk, they sat quietly discussing important things. They were exceedingly kind, but there were also so many traditions, so many etiquette-driven aspects of the meal, and so many things they had to explain so that we could do it right, that we were left feeling like we didn’t belong.

Again, they were nothing but kind and they never intended to communicate that was how “real” Christians spent their Sunday’s; but at the time, that was what my heart heard. It felt like I was being asked to play a part; to hide the real me and act like a “proper” believer. It is a feeling that started long before that afternoon and has lasted long after.


Working to Fit In

Over and over again in my life, I have struggled with the idea of expectations. I get consumed with what I think other people expect me to be, do, say, wear, like, etc. The fear of disappointing them has literally kept me up at night and has dictated many choices I have made. There is no area of my life that idea has played out stronger than in the area of my Christian life. I have seen the godly women around me, heard talks on Biblical femininity, and come to sweeping generalizations about what it looks like to be a godly Christian woman. 

I have worked hard to fit that mold. And I have failed.

As a young woman, I came to the conclusion that godly women were fairly quiet, volunteered a lot, loved to read Christian books, always joined Bible-studies, taught Sunday school, and laughed politely at polite sorts of jokes. They do Pinterest, Starbucks, and play dates. They wear the right things, say the right things, and always do the right things.

I, on the other hand, am super introverted, would choose fantasy novels over women’s nonfiction any day, and a good poop joke will always make me laugh (I apparently have the sense of humor of a four-year-old). I love computer games, play tabletop RPGs, can give you ten reasons why Captain Picard is the best Star Trek captain of all time, and would watch a Marvel movie over a chick flick every time. I love volunteering at church, but please don’t make me teach a little-kids Sunday school class (too often) because, well, I’m not that good with other people’s children. And while I would love to have a playdate with you, I’ll be honest, they completely stress me out so if we leave early, know that’s it not you, it’s me.

I love Jesus so, so, so much but I don’t always feel like I look the part.


A Different Mold
I’ve tried to fit the mold of what a good Christian woman is, but I have to say, I’m failing at it. Miserably. But for the first time in my life, that’s ok.

Over the past few years, God has slowly but surely been opening my eyes to the truth that there is no “good Christian woman” mold. He is showing me that I don’t have to dress a certain way or look picture perfect in order to prove to other believers that I am one of them, and I don’t have to try to measure up to earn God’s love or pay him back. I don’t have to do that because he’s not asking me to! In fact, he’s asking me to do just the opposite. God is asking me to display his image to the world as only I, a unique woman created in his image can do.

God has given me talents and interests and passions. They may not be the same as other peoples, they may not even be the same as most peoples, but they are a part of who he created me to be. And pretending to fit the mold when I don’t, is not promoting his gospel, it’s actually adding to the problem. You see, I am convinced that I am not the only person who felt like they were not a good Christian because they don’t quite fit in with the good-Christian crowd (whatever that may be). And I suspect there are a lot of people out there afraid to even try out this thing called Christianity because they are afraid they won’t be accepted. I don’t want to add to that anymore. In fact, I want to do the opposite.

I am learning that grace is not just for the perfect and his love is not just for the churched. Grace is a freely given gift, unearned, and undeserved. And friends, it is amazing.

It doesn’t matter if you play MMORPGs or have no idea what that is, God’s love is for you. It doesn’t matter if you shop at Banana Republic, Hot Topic, WalMart, or thrift stores, God’s love is for you. It doesn’t even matter if you think Zelda is the guy in green instead of the princess, God’s love is for you! If you have ever felt like you didn’t fit in, I want you to know that you are not alone and I want you to know that it doesn’t have to be that way. God’s love is for you.

I don’t fit the mold, but that’s ok because I am an image bearer of God. For image bearers, there are no “good Christian woman” molds. Being an image-bearer means it’s ok to be the fiery, shy, fierce, introverted, extroverted, quiet, belly-laughing, shower-singing woman that God created you to be. It means you can do women’s ministry, children’s ministry, local ministry, or any other ministry he calls you to. It means that the only mold you need to fit into is the perfectly beautiful one God created just for you, the one that miraculously images him alone. And here’s the best part, we are all image-bearers. Beautiful. Unique. Individual images of the living, holy, God.

I may not fit the “good Christian woman” mold, but I’m ok with that. I have a better mold anyways. And so do you.


  1. You are speaking right to my heart. I’m 56 years old, love Marvel movies, think Picard is the best Star Trek captain and know way too much Star Wars and pop culture trivia. And I feel that I just don’t fit in with the other women in my church my age. Except for a few, my friends are under 40. I don’t fit the mold, but I love Jesus and I have experienced his grace in a powerful way! Thank you for your wise words!

    1. First off, you’re 100% right about Picard. He just is the best. Second, I’m so glad you resonated with what I wrote. It can be so hard sometimes to constantly feel out of place, but know you are not alone!! Enjoy the friends you have and rest in His grace! And thank you for your note and encouragement!

  2. I’ve come from a very hard background. I’m a little rough around the edges. I went to a women’s Bible study tonight and boy was that just not for me. I just don’t fit in. I love God with all my heart, and it’s always just been Him and I. We have crazy, relationship, He’s my best friend and my everything. Whenever I get around sweet, soft speaking, gentle Christian women, I feel like I scare them. I litterally saw the leader of the Bible study raise her eyebrows at a question I had answered. I can’t be anything but myself. It might not be all wrapped up and tied with a bow, but I am a daughter of the King, in my own weird way.

  3. Amazing that I actually “fit in” with the ones who feel like they don’t “fit in”. I’m loving this. I thought I was the only one who did not fit in with the “Christian women”. I work in the oilfield, I am a mud engineer, I love to ride 4 wheelers, I am loud, I talk too much, I feel more comfortable in the field than I do in a church, but I love Jesus and want to be closer to Him. Thank you for writing this it has lifted the lie that I don’t “fit” in. Plus Captain Picard is the bomb, I do like some chick flicks (My Big Fat Greek Wedding) and I am more like a Warrior then a sweet little quiet princess ‍♀️. I’ve always wanted be on the frontline, with the gun, I don’t do well in the back seat. I always thought God messed up on me because I was not a girly girl, and I made a lot of bad choices trying to please people in the church…not to mention my grandfather was an old time pastor and he thought I was awful….so I felt there was no hope for me. I have learned and I am learning Gods grace is for me too. Thank you again.

  4. This is so on time for me!! I’ve always tried to fit in with the Christian women around me, and I I know I was faking the funk…. Lol!!
    I am totally in love with Jesus and it is so nice to hear there are other ladies like me… By the way you a totally right about Captain Picard!
    Thank you for writng this!

  5. I know what you mean sister! I’m different, and I like being different. I dont want to be like everyone else! Problem is being different gets people to notice you and judge you, so I’ve learned to just keep some things to myself lol. I remember being judged and confronted because I didn’t babysit or do the “womanly” serving. I was the one out on the streets evangelizing with the guys. It bothers me that women in the church are often undervalued and underused. Women aren’t being encouraged to use their UNIQUE gift set in a UNIQUE way that God has designed them to be! They are rather taught men do this and women do that, and I understand there are different roles but the spirit gives gifts indiscriminate of sex. A woman gifted with preaching and teaching might be discouraged to grow it. Even womens ministries often suffer because they think they dont need women preaching and teacheing other women which is ridiculous and counter to what scripture teaches. In the early church the women were more militant. They prophesied in the church publically, they were out doing the work WITH the apostles/disciples. I refuse to be put in a silly box that God never designed for me to fit into! I refuse to bury my gifts in the dirt just to fit in. I likve video games too btw lol.

  6. Yes and yes! This has been so hard for me. I’d didn’t grow up in church or with God and when he cane for me at 21 six months later I was in bible school . I was surrounded by Preachers kids and young people who have been saved their whole lives . And then there was me . Awkward . Unsure how to act or respond to all the Christianese . It was painful at times . That was 12 years ago and I still struggle to accept that I don’t have to fit the mold .
    Actually one time driving I heard the lord strongly and firmly say: “ I didn’t make you to fit in , I’ve called you to change the surrounding !” He voice was firm but kind . It was as if he was wanting me to get that I don’t have to bend and break myself to make other people comfortable. He wanted me to get it and stop being sad about what I’m not.

    Anyhow , thank you for writing this post . There are many women and men who feel like they can’t go to church or be “Christian “ because they don’t fit the typical mold . When we are ourselves in Christ we give people permission and freedom to be themselves . We call to the “whosoever’s” out there that would respond to Him. That’s a beautiful thing!

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